Angel children are children who leave early, returning to where they came from. They leave their bodies either in the mother's womb, during or after birth, sometimes even later. The reasons for this are varied: especially during the first period of pregnancy, one often can not say why the little person doesn’t develop further, but even in a far advanced pregnancy, the doctor or the midwife suddenly may not detect any heart sounds. Some families may find out during pregnancy or after birth that their child has a disease that makes living life almost impossible. No matter why, when and how it happens: losing a child is one of the events that probably causes the greatest grief and anxiety in us parents. It's a huge test!
There is the idea that angel children will incarnate for the last time (be reborn). They must make a final short life experience on the earth in order to remain forever in the realm of angels and light beings.
Loss in pregnancy
The likelihood of an intact pregnancy increases every day as the development of the small embryo progresses: the risk of a miscarriage in the first weeks is still 20% (although many women may not even have noticed that they were pregnant) and from 18 weeks of gestation reduces to just 1%.
However despite what numbers or weeks are on the papers – after the joy, the first tender love and the idea of soon having a family, comes the first shock with the gynecologist and then comes the "after" time. Every woman and family copes differently with the loss: while one may quickly find the courage and confidence for another pregnancy, others may need more time. Many questions arise:
- How can we process what has happened?
- How can we continue with our lives? How do we find the strength to master everyday life?
- What impact does the death of our child have on our relationship and our family?
- How can we support our other children, the siblings of the angel children, in processing?
- Will I ever be a mother / father again?
- Is a new pregnancy possible at all?
- How can I deal with the fear that this happens again?
- Why did that happen to us?
Especially when it comes to a miscarriage at the beginning of the pregnancy, it is often difficult for outsiders to understand why the grief is so enormous. Sentences like "you can be pregnant again!" or "it was still not really a real person yet!" are not rare. In particular, women who have lost children several times suffer with each further loss even more.
It is of great importance to give this mourning space in order to process what has happened. To process is not to forget, but to give us the opportunity to consciously deal with emotions, to make our hearts heal, and at the same time give our child a place in them.
In approximately four out of every 1000 pregnancies, a baby is born "still". This is the case when a heart beat can not be detected during a routine check or during birth.
If you have ever experienced a still birth or if you are currently in this situation, we would like to express our deepest compassion to you. You are not alone and do not have to manage this by yourself. There are many people who can support you during this difficult time. We have a lot of experience in this area and are also by your side.
Our emergency number is available for this situation.... If we are not immediately on the phone, we will be notified and call back within an hour!
Take your time, best with your loved ones. Talk to each other, what might be the first step: Is it a call to one's own parents, who can quickly come by? Or a babysitter, so you have some breathing space? Maybe you want to go straight to the hospital or simply go home and pull the blanket over your head. Whatever you need now, take it!
And if you are supporting a woman in this situation: Just be there, show compassion. If you do not have the words or feel timid , speak this out. We as humans can allow ourselves to weep, be speechless and compassionate. Nobody needs clever words in such a situation – just being there, to hold, to take care and to help comfort!
In the next step, further questions can be clarified:
When, how and where would I like to have the „still“birth?
Who should be there?
What do I need to do before I can give birth to my child?
What kind of support do I want during my childbirth?
How do I want the time "after" with my baby and possibly the family?
Perhaps you also wonder how a ritual could support this process?
We have experienced and heard different stories for the time "after" - from wonderful to terrible, everything was there. In the ideal case, you can decide whether you want to take your child directly or whether you just need a moment (which is usually the case). Then the midwife takes the baby and will put it in a small basket or blanket - depending on the month in which the baby was born, she/he may still be very small and her/his skin still quite transparent (like a little bird) or he/she may look "just" asleep. The baby may also have been born with a genetic defect - in any case the basket or the blanket offers the possibility to slowly approach when you need to.
It's your baby, you're his mother and this is why, here too: you decide about the time afterwards! Even if you're not able to see your baby at all, that's okay. Ideally, you will take photos and a foot and hand print, so you have something you can keep forever.
In the rarest cases, haste is required. If you get the message that there are no more heart sounds, you may even feel that time has stopped and the earth stops turning. Body and mind are very likely to be in a state of shock: maybe you cry, maybe you can not believe it or you can feel nothing, just an immense emptiness - all feelings are possible. Take your time, do not let yourself be pushed. In our experience, it is often advised to go to the clinic immediately and to initiate the birth. In most cases this is not necessary.
Our body is intelligent. It would probably "recognize" by itself after a few days, what is going on and distribute hormones accordingly, in order to initiate the birth. This can be observed in all mammals. If you find a midwife and / or doctors who support this form of still birth (and assuming you can imagine this process at all), there are many possibilities for safe "monitoring" for the remaining days.
A home birth is also possible or you can always choose a caesarean! Some women can not imagine a vaginal birth emotionally, and this is perfectly understandable and justified. As we have been told, doctors sometimes do not leave that choice open. BUT: Nobody can take this decision away from you and no one has the right to make your decision for you.
"Find a ritual for your „angel“ child, to create a time in which body and soul can leave. If you have not had this possibility, rituals can also be "made up", it is never too late for that."
Why vaginal birth?
The caesarean section is always a higher risk for mother and child. There is also the risk of damage to the uterus, which can make further pregnancy more difficult. Of course, the doctor will tell you about it. At the same time, studies have shown that the psyche and the body heal more quickly when a vaginal birth is experienced. The cycle of life plays an important role here. Many women described the process as very emotional, but at the same time, they felt they had already gone through part of the process during the birth and afterwards.
You decide what you want and what you need for this!
Loss of children
Even later, children can pass away through an accident, through a disease or other circumstances. The suffering of losing a child can only be imagined if you have experienced it yourself. Through our work in hospices and with orphaned parents, we have experience with their varied special needs. We have been able to have many miraculous, healing experiences with rituals and spiritual work. In the hour of grief, almost always a door opens into the realm of "faith": Why did my child pass away? Where is he/she now? What can I still believe?
Even people who hitherto had nothing to do with religion are (understandably) longing for answers to such questions, for the reason, the meaning of life. This longing has existed since the time of human thought. If we dare to go through this door, we will get all the answers we need. Especially in the time of grief, it sometimes seems as if the curtain between heaven and earth would be more permeable.
Mandalia works, for example with rituals, working in nature, deep-trance experiences, Wing Wave and Kundalini Yoga. Kundalini Yoga offers the possibility to experience a healing process on the physical and mental level through movement, breathing and mantras.
However, some parents would also like to attend a coaching session, for concerns which they can already formulate for themselves or which are then developed together with the coach. Couples also need support, as many partnerships grow apart after dealing with such a blow of fate. This is often due to the fact that people are mourning differently: while the one can barely leave the house, the other goes on as if "nothing had happened". There are also differences of grief between husband and wife, mother and father. It is of great importance to create an acceptance for the other, agree on common goals and develop a plan for this difficult time.
Time and forms of grief are as different as there are people in the world. Mandalia Birth helps you find what you need. We believe that as human beings, we can support and help in the process of mourning. We believe that all souls here on earth would wish for that for us.
If you are not sure whether and how we can assist you, call us or write us an email, we look forward to seeing you.
For all who accompany their mourning friends and family members:
"Walk carefully with us, for we are defenseless. The wound is still open and further injuries are revealed. We have so little strength to resist. Allow us our way, which can be long. Do not urge us to be like us before, we can not do it yet. Remember that we are in transformation. Let us tell you that we are alien to ourselves. Have patience. We know that we sprinkle bitterness into your contentment.
That your laughter can die when you see our shock. That we confront you with suffering that you want to avoid. When we see your children, we suffer. We must ask the question of the meaning of our lives. We have lost the security in which you are still alive. You hold us in opposition: we too have sorrow.
But if we ask you whether you want to carry our fate, you are frightened. But forgive us: Our suffering is so overpowering that we often forget that there are many kinds of pain. You may not know how hard it is to collect our thoughts. Our children accompany us.
Much of what we hear, we must refer to them. We listen to you, but our thoughts wander. Take it on when we start talking about our children and our grief. We only do what is pressing in us. When we see your defense, we feel misunderstood and lonely. Let our children be important to you. Share with us your faith in them. Even more than before, they are a part of us. If you hurt our children, you hurt us. It may be that we make them more perfect than they were. But to admit mistakes is hard for us. Do not destroy our image. Believe us, we need it.
Try to empathize with us. Believe that our resilience is growing. Believe that we will one day live with a new self-understanding. Your confidence strengthens us on this path. Once we have succeeded in accepting our fate, we will meet you more freely. Now, however, we are not compelled to deny our misfortunes by word and gaze. We need your acceptance. Do not forget, we have to learn so much anew. Our grief has changed our seeing and feeling.
Stay with us. Learn from us. For your own life. "
- these lines are from the German „Forum der Sternenbrücke“. Here orphan parents can exchange: www.Sternenkinderbruecke
Silent, since quiet,
There were angels on the journey.
They wanted to be with you for a minute,
Why they went, God alone knows.
They came from God, there they are again.
Just wanted to sit down briefly on our earth.
A breath only remains from them,
In your hearts a big piece.
They will always be with you now
Do not forget, they were so small.
If there is a wind on a mild day,
So think it was the flap of their wing .
And if you ask, where do they like to be?
An angel is never alone.
They can now see all the colors
And walk barefoot through the clouds.
And if you miss them too much,
And cry, because they are not with you,
So think, of heaven, where they now exist,
They say proudly:
We are loved!
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