Finally, your baby is here and you are trying to find yourself in this new situation and your new role as a mother. Everything is new and maybe different than you imagined. Suddenly there is this small, delicate and fragile-looking creature that you hold in your hands, after it has grown for so long in your belly.
You think you should be exuberantly happy - also because our society seems to expect that from a freshly baked mother. But what if it looks different to you? What if you don’t feel the rosiness of the baby world, but fearful and unstable, exhausted and sad? When you are irritable and you get teary without knowing exactly why.
Often, such feelings can cause a bad conscience and the thought carousel rotates:
- Am I a bad mother?
- Why am I not happy like any other woman who has a baby?
- Will these feelings ever disappear? -Will I ever be able to rejoice my child?
- How will it be for my baby if I can not show him the love he needs?
At the same time the mood swings and alternating bath of feelings after birth are completely normal. Many women experience the so-called baby blues. You've just experienced something overwhelming: you gave birth to your child, mastered pregnancy and birth. This is a unique and profound experience. You actually need to have time and space to work through this experience, to integrate it into your being, however you will be challenged immediately, because your baby needs you completely. It is physically no longer in your belly, but in this initial phase, you are still one.
The birth and the first weeks thereafter are also a phase of transformation and initiation. For yourself, your partner and your family as well as for your baby. So what if the baby blues, which incidentally affect up to 80% of mothers, fulfills an important function in this development?
The increased sensitivity also prepares you for the new task of being a mother. You perceive stimuli much more consciously and intensely, and that allows you to recognize the needs and feelings of your child better. In addition, the birth was a real act of strength for your body from which you must recover. The hormone balance must stabilize again. Maybe your breasts hurt because your body is preparing for breastfeeding. After the endured hardships, you are surely exhausted and depleted, but you will probably not get enough sleep, because a needy little being demands all of your attention and practically your whole existence.
With all this, it is not surprising that the world of feelings is all mixed up, or even tears flow. To allow the whole range of emerging emotions and to deal lovingly with oneself helps to arrive in your new role of motherhood. Tears are also liberating. Through the birth and all related worries and anxieties, a great tension has perhaps formed in your body. By allowing your tears, your body can relax and create space for new energy.
The baby blues usually goes away after a few days. It is therefore not to be confused with postnatal depression, from which 10 to 15% of mothers suffer. It is only when the negative feelings do not subside, when the unhappiness and the joylessness, exhaustion and excessive demands persist and it is not possible to develop an emotional proximity to one's own child, these are signs of postnatal depression and professional help is urgently required.
But even the Baby Blue days are easier to accept, if one tunes themselves to the fact that chaotic feelings can be overwhelming and maybe you can deliberately take a break to rest, to recharge your batteries, and to adjust yourself to all that is before you.
Often it is also that we (quite unconsciously) remember the time when we were born. The time when the bonding to our own mother took place. Perhaps your mother, although she wanted it, was not able to create this close bond at the time - many reasons could have been pivotal factors for this. Our body has saved this experience and now, when we are in the same situation with our own child, it may be present again. We want to make it better as a mother and this pressure can be overwhelming but such a family pattern can be solved. If we consciously deal with this, we can reset the switch again.
In general, the better we prepare for the birth and the time thereafter (see: first weeks with baby), the easier it becomes and it certainly helps if we build up a network of support early enough.
At Mandalia Birth we have had positive experiences, for example with hypnosis and coaching and counseling, which can help to adjust to the phase of the baby blues and to deal with it more calmly. Contact us by phone or email. We will be happy to provide you with information on the support we have available.
"Mothers can not give from a depleted source. Every mother needs emotional, mental, physical and spiritual validation, nourishment and support. When a mother is respected and well cared for, she and her whole family will benefit."- author unknown
Wish to have a child
This is all about the theme of having children. Mandalia Birth gives you insights into possible themes and how we can optimally support and accompany you. The desire for a child usually arises at some point in the life of every woman, whether as a first thought, as a great longing or already in planning form...
The birth of a child is probably one of the most beautiful, phenomenal life events imaginable- for mother and father/partner and anyone allowed to witness this miracle. It is an exciting, emotional time when many thoughts may be running through your head. Information and preparation are key. Here you’ll find comprehensive information to help answer your questions...
Anyone who has ever raised a child know it is one of the most rewarding and challenging jobs. It is undoubtedly one of the most important jobs in the world today. As parents/carers we carry the responsibility to heal ourselves so as not to pass on our own issues or traumas to our children. Here you can learn more about this vital role and some of the significant themes of parenting...