Becoming parents

Perhaps you have just become a mother or father, or the birth is about to happen. Perhaps you are planning a pregnancy or adoption, or you are a parent of an adolescent child. It’s nice that you’re visiting our website to further engage yourself with becoming a parent:)

With the birth, begins a time of change: a woman becomes a mother, a man becomes a father, children become siblings. The entire family system is reorganized and everything may feel a little "chaotic". Even later it changes again and again: the children are getting older, siblings are coming, relationships are changing or families are separated. Parenting is, and always will be, connected with many questions:

- Will I be a good mother, a good father?

- What does becoming a parent mean for our marriage / relationship?

- Will we manage all of this?

- Am I now "just" a mother / father? What about my other needs?

- How do we manage to create free space for ourselves?

- What if something happens to someone?

- Will we succeed in offering our child a happy childhood and a beautiful life?

- What if I become like my mother / father?

Also, it’s not self-evident to openly discuss all these questions, to talk about them with your partner, or tell a friend. Frequently, they remain as thoughts that one forms oneself. Perhaps, as partners, you have never talked about exactly how you want to be as parents? Or you are without a partner and have to redefine your role completely. Parenting is also a birth, a development process that does not take place overnight and which can be associated with many uncertainties, fears and doubts. Maybe you're just in the middle of the bonding phase, or you can (unconsciously) remember how it was with you, how the connection was with your parents. It is quite normal that not everything is immediately full of love and rose-coloured. For this reason, the first weeks are also known as the bonding phase: warming to each other, growing together, falling in love - this is a process, not a "sudden" state.

Parents ... What does that mean exactly? We want to be good parents! This is a sentence that everyone would agree with, and our parents and their parents, with their, probably quite different, views and ways of thinking, would certainly have agreed. Even if not everything went perfectly, we can usually say somehow, they did what they could!

"Beyond the right and wrong there is a place where we meet." –Rumi

But what does it mean for us to be mother and father? How exactly do we want to be and how can we implement our vision? How do we deal with all the challenges that we face in the 20th century? These questions are not only addressed to freshly baked parents, because they always reappear. We are constantly in development and are confronted with new things, be it with a newborn or with a sixteen-year-old child and also with adult children, we will always remain parents.

So it's helpful to think about it. The clearer we can vouch for what qualities we want to live as parents, the easier it becomes. And even if you can’t bear to hear it anymore, children reflect your own patterns and behaviors. Perhaps they even came to support us in our stage of development? It is clear that your child has chosen you exactly. He/she will love you unconditionally. In the first few years, you are his whole world, he/she will be oriented towards you and will absorb and perceive everything you give to him/her, what you feel and what is going on in your environment. There is great power in it and we can make the best use of it! In our family-system work, we often encounter old family patterns that can appear for generations. These patterns are only waiting to be resolved and it is never too late to decide for a "new tomorrow": if we realize that something is going wrong (perhaps even over a longer period of time), we have the possibility to take a new direction.

"It's never too late to have a good childhood!" This quote was written by Milton Ericson, the pioneer of hypnotic language. Adults can also heal from their childhood experiences, to give their children what they want and perhaps never got to experience themselves. We all have beliefs and thus blockages with us from our childhood and days of youth. Let our children be free of these!

Our world is in a very challenging phase. Mandalia is firmly convinced that a conscious parenthood with value-oriented and clear goals can bring up a generation that brings peace. When a child grows up in love and trust and can count on the responsibility and development of their parents, it is a milestone on the way there.

"Speak to your children as if they were the kindest, wisest, most beautiful, and most important beings on this planet, for what they believe is what they will be." - Brooke Hampton

 

We plan so many things in our lives, shouldn’t we take the time to become aware of our role and responsibility as parents and have tools with which we can actively work?

Mandalia Birth accompanies you on your way as parents, with coaching, consultations, systemic family constellation work, rituals and much more. We will be glad to help you find what is right for you. Call us or send us an e-mail. We look forward to meeting you.

"Speak to your children as if they were the kindest, wisest, most beautiful, and most important beings on this planet, for what they believe is what they will be." - Brooke Hampton