Adoption & foster family
On the journey to having your own child, you may also consider adoption. Perhaps it is only a thought, perhaps you are already intensively occupied with the topic or you are already in the middle of the adoption process?
The reason for dealing with an adoption is obvious: the desire for a child! Be it the desire to provide a loving home for children who need it, or the desire for your own physical children which remained unfulfilled, the questions connected with an adoption follow automatically, because we consciously and unconsciously feel the great task waiting ahead of us.
Can I love a child who is not my biological child?
To what extent can a complete integration into the new family happen and what does it take for it to happen?
How can I prepare myself emotionally for the child's arrival and my new role as mother / father / sibling / grandmother etc.?
The clearer you are about your intentions, exactly what moved you to adopt a child, and what desires and fears you have, the more space for anticipation, joy, happiness and confidence - the optimal breeding ground for everything that’s waiting for you.
Emotions like fear or a diffuse discomfort are probably known to everyone who decides to take this step. Such emotions serve as an indication from our psyche or our body, to briefly pause and listen.
If we have this space, feelings can be transformed.
We are convinced that every adopted child can have a happy life! At the same time, he/she needs honesty, mindfulness, humility, gratitude and love maybe with more awareness that he or she experienced a trauma from the loss of the biological mother.
Mandalia Birth supports you in this process where you may need it, even if your adopted child may have already grown up.
The child is here!
Congratulations! This is a moment that must be celebrated like a birth!
Perhaps the new person has just arrived at your home or has been living with you for a while. Perhaps questions arise in the first, sensitive period or you notice feelings or dynamics for which you want support.
To what extent is the family day deviating completely from what you had actually imagined?
Adoption families, by the way, are often no different from families with biological children; everything is turned upside down and has to find its new place. However, we have also often seen that mothers and fathers of an adopted child place even higher demands on themselves. The reasons are varied:
I am totally exhausted, but I feel guilty, because I wanted it all!
Do I always have to be happy?
My baby cries all the time.
My child does not want to be held by me, what can I do?
I do not feel what I had hoped for, can that still change?
I am „over-mothering“ / „over-fathering“! I want to make everything perfect and have come to my threshold.
The first time with a child is an "exceptional state", everything is different,
Whether it is biological or not, we live in an alternating bath of emotions and must re-orient ourselves.
Mandalia Birth has developed its own program, which accompanies and supports the process of adoption. At the same time, the following thoughts or questions can be given space, for example:
What does it really mean for a child to become part of another family system?
How can I prepare for an adoption?
What does an adopted child need?
What is / was crucial for my wish for adoption?
How do I become aware of myself and my intentions?
What does my family system still need for the acceptance of the new family member?
How can I prepare myself emotionally for the arrival and the new role as mother / father / sibling / grandmother etc.?
How do I stand with the biological parents of my adoptive child?
These are only a few questions that often arise in the case of adoption parents. Naturally there are still many, many more, and depending on your own life story, there may be also quite different topics that appear with the adoption of a child. The more we take our own emotions and our "themes" seriously, the more the child can "arrive". This applies to all parent-child dynamics, but especially for adopted children.
(See also "The First Loss of the Universe").
To give a child to another family
The decision to give a child to another family is not easy for anyone, and the motivations are very different.
The step of an adoption is accompanied in Germany (the base of Mandalia Birth) by consultations and court appointments. There is also the possibility of a baby hatch, which is available 24 hours in some hospitals or some families choose to give older children to foster families or homes. Again, the reasons are individual.
Maybe you gave your child away a long time ago too, and still suffer because of it?
If you are thinking of giving your child away, we cordially invite you to a free first consultation. This talk is about you, we are free of judgment or prejudice - there is room to tell your story and support you in making the right decision.
Mandalia Birth can support the following:
To create a space where you can be heard, seen and can tell your story.
To take a closer look at the motives, to illuminate new perspectives and / or find out how other helpful steps might look.
Provide addresses for further consultations with youth welfare offices and other contact points.
To initiate a farewell and / or new beginning ritual.
You can get in touch with us vie e-mail or by phone, we are so happy to offer your our help.
"Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother."
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